I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
