I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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