He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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