My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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