Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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