We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
