and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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