Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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