What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hippo gnu deer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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