he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
