In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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