They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
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