shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
