That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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