We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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