i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
