i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
