woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
