I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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