how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
