My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
