Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
