i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize