So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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