I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
