Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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