My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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