This is not my ceiling
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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