I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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