I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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