i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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