hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
