Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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