so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
