it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
