turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
