Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
