a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
