We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
