So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
