Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
