Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
being pregnant is like rehab
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
