please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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