I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
