I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
