Your tits are I can't wait for
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
