Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You made out with two different species that night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
