chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
