it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
