Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
