Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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