I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Say something about gay babies.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize