Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
