I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize