So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
