she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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