only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
