This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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