You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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