he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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