Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
