Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
