yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
